Journaling For Self Discovery

 

Using journaling to discover who I am.

After James died I noticed I was starting to fall back into the old habits I had before we got married...

I make them sound bad but I'm fairly wholesome so they're totally not!  Here are a few examples:

- I binge watched the entire series of The Golden Girls.  I used to watch the girls all the time after I got done working my first job out of high school.

- I started drinking soda again.  I used to drink pop at an alarming rate but gave up on it over the past few years.  Now I love to have a little can of Pepsi or Mountain Dew on my kid free nights.

- And, after watching one too many Tik Toks about the benefits of writing things down, I started journaling again.

I don't think I ever talked about this on my blog before but I used to keep some epic journals during my senior year & just out of high school.  I put a ton of random things in them & also wrote what I hoped for the future.  It all kind of stopped after I met James because I was actually living a good life.  I didn't need to dream about anything bigger.

When the only life I knew abruptly ended on that December morning, I was completely lost (I'm still pretty lost).  After making decisions with my partner for almost 16 years, I'm now going at it alone.  I have to figure out what I want on my own.  Some things are super clear & others are still unknown at this point.  I don't want to make any major decisions for a while.  I already tried that & it ended up in flames because I have no idea what I'm doing!

After flailing for a couple months, I decided to start journaling again.  I feel like I really need to get clear on what I want.  Journaling also allows me to wade through all the emotional damage I've been through.  I also write what I'm grateful for so I'm always reminded that there is good in the world.

My journal itself is super simple.  It's just a plain notebook I got at Dollar General!  I felt the push to write more than having a fancy journal.

I have been filling one page a day, usually in the mornings.  I write what I'm grateful for that day & what I hope for the future.  I've only been writing for a week but I've already noticed such a difference in my life.  I can write my thoughts down & then walk away from them.  I have a difficult time with overthinking things.  Journaling allows me to put things out for the universe to handle & I can let them go from my mind.

There's a manifestation aspect to my journaling that I'm slowly seeing results with as well.  I want to wait at least a few months while I gather enough evidence that things are actually working.  I'm already making little videos of some of the weird things that are happening because of my journaling.  I think it boils down to things grow when you water them.  Things start happening when you put effort & focus into them.

I'm learning so much about myself by just writing things down.  It's funny how something simple can bring such joy into my life.