Previous 'grief diaries':
- Grief Diaries 1
- Grief Diaries 2

The stages of grief are weird.  I always thought there were 5 stages of grief but I linked the post above with 7 stages.  Now that I'm in the thick of grief, there are probably a million stages.

I wish grief was a problem that could be solved.  Like I could do the work & just be done cycling through the stages.

For me, working through grief is like spinning a wheel & landing on whatever emotions I'll feel that day.  Just the other day, I was screaming in my car on the way home from somewhere.  The emotion came out of the blue but when it hit, it hit hard.

Even though I can't control which emotions decide to come to light, I'm trying my best to face it & move on from each event so it stings a little less the next time it comes up.

My custom bracelets from Customcuff!

Tik Tok made me buy it!

After seeing a few ads for Customcuff, on Tik Tok I finally went over to the website & started browsing.  They have so many cute things!  Every order is custom made to your exact specifications.  You can put your special coordinates, words, morse code, or even handwriting on cuffs, bracelets & necklaces!

I ended up ordering a Custom Cuff Gift Set for myself & a friend.  My friend & I went to the same elementary school.  We had so many great memories there & sadly, it closed down.  To honor our childhood, I had the school coordinates printed on the cuffs.  Our elementary school was really special to us & I love that I have a visual reminder of all the good times I had there.

There are a few different color styles to choose from.  For our cuffs, I chose gold.  Honestly, I think they will look fantastic in any color.

My garden plans for 2022!

(Note:  This post contains affiliate links)

Gardening is one of my absolute favorite things to do but this year will be bittersweet.  James helped with the garden so much.  I know I will be constantly thinking about him this year while I'm doing all the garden things.

For past 2 years, we did large gardens.  The 2020 garden did so well.  It was our best garden ever.  We tried again last year but it was a disaster.  We were just beginning our cancer journey in June right after we put the garden in.  Things were neglected & then, after a series of floods, the garden was pretty much over with.

I have a different plan for the 2022 garden.  Because I have the greenhouse now, I want to move the garden closer to that.  I'm also going back to raised garden beds.  I don't think I'll have the time & energy to do a big garden this year.

Leaving the hospital after James's death will probably be the most surreal experience of my life.  

James died at Cleveland Clinic Main Campus, which is an absolutely huge hospital.  It is quite a walk to get to inpatient rooms.  On the lower level of the hospital are areas where testing is done & also the cafeteria.  There are many different little places to walk through on the way out & people are everywhere, going to & from different areas.

James was actually admitted to the hospital on the Sunday morning before he died.  By the time he was admitted, it was around 3am.  My dad was with me when we decided to go home & sleep for a few hours.  Because it was so early in the morning, there was no one at all on the way out.  It was eerie & peaceful at the same time.