My Landscaping Is Still a Mess and So Am I: A Widow's Guide to Getting Things Done (Eventually)

If you've ever wandered outside with big "I'm gonna fix everything today" energy only to stare at your yard like it's an emotional crime scene... hi, welcome. You're in the right place.

As someone with a squirrel brain and the patience of a wet cat, I LOVE seeing things get done quickly. Like instant gratification or 'I don't want it' levels of urgency. But being a widow? Oh, she had other plans.

The Before Times: Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

When James was still here, our house projects were tag-team magic. He handled the heavy lifting, and I handled the perfectionism. We were the DIY power couple; emotionally attached to our toolbox and suspiciously invested in which mulch color was "right for our vibe."

But when you suddenly go from "we" to "me"? It hits different. And by "hits," I mean it feels like the to-do list got longer while your emotional bandwidth got shorter.

The Brutal Truth: It's ALL You Now

✦  Want the porch fixed? You.
✦  Need the weeds pulled? You.
✦  Curious who's gonna Google "can I accidentally kill my lavender if I look at it wrong?" That's also you.

And sure, people offer help. But, sometimes the emotional labor of explaining what needs to be done is more exhausting than just doing it wrong yourself and pretending it was intentional.( It's called ✨grief landscaping✨. Look it up.)

When Progress is Slow, But the Pressure is Loud

It's July. My flowerbeds are thriving in a very "weeds are plants too" kind of way. And as I sit here on the Fourth, surrounded by the patriotic sounds of distant fireworks and feral cats on my deck, I'm realizing something important:

I have really had to lower my expectations and raise my standards at the same time.

What does that mean? Glad you asked:

✦  I no longer expect things to get done quickly.

✦  But I now demand that when I do show up, I give it my all (even if my all is one weed and a snack break).

And I've learned that doing a little bit consistently is more powerful than burning out trying to do it all at once.

Widowhood, But Make It Strategic

So what do you do when you're suddenly CEO of everything?

You slow the hell down. You breathe. You embrace the mess. And then you:

✦  Celebrate progress over perfection (yes, wiping off one windowsill counts)

✦  Break it down into bite-sized tasks (I call mine "The List" – 10 things a day, even if one is "text back my mom")
✦  Romanticize the boring stuff (turn that weed-pulling into a Spotify moment, babe)

And you stop waiting for someone to help. Because the someone is you.

You become the woman who does it anyway. Crying in the garage? That's fine. Just keep screwing in the shelf while you sob.

Final Thoughts (And a Half-Finished Project Staring at Me)

If you're in a season of life where everything feels heavy and slow, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're just building a new rhythm.

Whether you're grieving, healing, or finally realizing that being single is the most peace you've had in years, it's okay if your house (and your heart) takes a little longer to renovate.

Progress is happening.

Even if the mulch is from last year, and you forgot what color your deck used to be.