When James & I were remodeling our home, we splurged on stainless steel appliances.  In our old place, we just had hand-me-down appliances.  I felt like we 'made it' by getting the stainless steel.  I absolutely love our colossal refrigerator!

I always kept the refrigerator clear.  After all, I wanted to show off the stainless steel...even if it was just to myself!  I was so upset the day I found scratches on the fridge!

When we started fostering our son, he would bring home papers from school.  Instead of putting them on the fridge, I found other creative ways to display them. I still needed that distinction of the fancy refrigerator.  The thoughts I hold on to are so silly sometimes.

After everything we've been through in the past year, my mindset has completely changed.  I almost always look at things with a 'Would this really matter in the end?' mentality.  It's a wild way to live because I've found out approximately 95% of things don't really matter in the big picture.

My son has really gotten into creativity this year.  Last year, he would do papers where he wrote a story & would draw a picture.  Most of the time, he didn't draw a picture at all.  The rare times he did draw a picture, it would be super simple.  His creativity absolutely exploded this year & I'm getting pictures all the time now.

I watched the absolute best video on TikTok last week.  I'll post it below but here's the cliff notes:  An 8-year-old girl wrote a book & wanted to get it published.  Her mom, like most of us adults, are working in the confines of our adult mind so things like publishing a book seem super difficult.  The girl really wanted her book out in the world so she asked her school librarian if it could be put in the library.  The librarian then put a barcode on it & it's now available to be checked out!

I feel like we need more of this energy in the world.

Around the same time I saw this video, my son was talking about maybe writing a book.  He's hit a super creative streak recently & coincidentally, I have too.  I've been working on so much media stuff recently & I'm absolutely loving it.

Technology has come so far since I was a kid & the possibilities are pretty much endless on what you can do media wise.  Everything used to be clunky & difficult but now it's an absolute breeze to make my dreams come to life.  I was a super creative kid but I can only imagine how creative I would have been if this was all at my fingertips back then.

The Zinnia seeds Braxton & I planted are starting to sprout!  They're doing so well that I already had to level them up into cups!

I'm seed starting upstairs where it's super warm but I'm quickly running out of space!  I needed to get my plant setup going in the basement ASAP!

I'm so far behind on my seed starting this year.  I always think it's going to be tedious, so I just never start.  Then when I finally start a flat of seeds, I realize it doesn't take very long at all!

I've been buying tons of random seeds on my Sunday Walmart trips.  Now I just need to take a day & devote to seed starting everything I have!  

The weather is supposed to be warmer next week so I might be able to shuffle some plants to the greenhouse.

It's just been a slow & lazy start to gardening this year for me.

My "setup" this year is super simple & not fancy at all. I wasn't even going to post it because it's so plain!  But the thing is...it works!  I had plans for a beautiful setup, but the lazy setup works just as well! 

Previous 'grief diaries':
- Grief Diaries 1
- Grief Diaries 2
- Grief Diaries 3
- Grief Diaries 4

Grief continues to be weird.

I thought I had been doing fairly well over the last month.  I got through James's birthday.  I also completed more paperwork things that reminded me this nightmare is real.

I have been making a habit of stopping by James's childhood home.  When I drop my kiddo off at my parents' house, I usually like to take the long way home.  When I go this route, James's childhood road is directly across from where I would turn to go to our house.  One day I just decided to make my trip a little longer & drive by there.  No one lives on the property.  It's also on a quiet back road so I can park there & think a little bit.

I've done this numerous times over the past month.  I've done a lot of thinking staring at where my husband grew up.  I'd cry a little sometimes or just leave before the thoughts got too deep.

I swear Tractor Supply has the best music.  

Tractor Supply has weirdly become one of my stops during my Sunday morning Walmart trip.  For whatever reason it seems like I always need to stop in there for something.

Yesterday I was in there for dog food.  I stopped for a minute to browse the seeds & one of my favorite songs, "Legends" by Kelsea Ballerini came on.  I hadn't heard that song in a long time so I was rocking out in the seed section!

When I got to the car, I put the song on my radio & really listened.  Then it unlocked a core memory...

I see a lot of James & me in that song.  We were always so fun together & tried to make each other laugh all the time.

There's a thing going around TikTok where one half of the couple starts acting weird & sees if their partner matches their energy.  If we could do that, James would totally match my energy.

I'm really trying to get my son, Braxton, into gardening this year.  I think gardening is an important & fun skill to learn.

I've talked before about my love for Mind & Soil & the mental health benefits of gardening.  I know I get a lot of stress relief from gardening & it's just so fun to me!  I hope I can pass some of that along to Braxton.  He's still pretty young so he needs a lot of behind the scenes help from me to get his plants going but he's getting there!

This year we seed started zinnias for B & they're doing way better than expected.  It's only been a few days but they're already coming up!  It's looking like a good year for zinnias!  We're planning on putting them in his kids garden bed.  I'm looking forward to beautiful blooms all summer long!  

This is my first year seed starting flowers & I didn't know what to expect.  I was pleasantly surprised when it did so well.  Now I want to seed start all the flowers!

Before writing this post, I didn't really think kids gardening was a thing.  I figured I'd go on Amazon & struggle to find a couple things.  But...gardening with kids is totally a thing!