Monday, March 07, 2022

Forever 38


Remembering my husband on his birthday | On The Creek Blog //
Thoughts on my husband's birthday.

Today is James's birthday.  Now it is just a date on the calendar.  There will be no more birthday cakes & celebrations with James here with us.  No one will get to see him grow older.

James will be 38 years old forever.

James had very few pictures from his childhood but we noticed a theme with most of them:  James was always in front of a cake!  It became a joke in our family every time James got around a cake.  The picture to the left is from his 38th birthday.  We always do birthday celebrations with our immediate family & I'm now so thankful for it.

My mom suggested getting a cake for James's birthday this year.  It's bittersweet but we still wanted to remember his birthday.

If I had only known his 38th birthday would have been his last.  But you don't know what you don't know.  I didn't know James would be gone just 9 months later. I didn't know I would be alone & crying on his birthday instead of celebrating.

Remembering my husband on his birthday | On The Creek Blog //

As I'm writing this post, I heard on the news that cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death.  Even though it is so common, I never thought it would happen to my husband at 38 years old, let alone he would pass away from it.  This kind of stuff happens to other people.  Other people get their life turned upside down by cancer.  

I found out that I am now the other people--the people who have to go through an unimaginable amount of grief & hope they come out on the other side of it.

Remembering my husband on his birthday | On The Creek Blog //

If I could give any advice for life on my husband's birthday, it would be this:

- Take all the pictures.  You'll never have enough.

- Love hard.  I'll never regret giving someone too much love anymore.

The world can be such an ugly place but I don't know how many birthdays I have left so I have to choose joy.  James didn't have nearly enough birthdays & at the end of his life, it was only love that mattered to him.

Love & be loved.

Happy Birthday James.  I'm sure I'll see you again one day.

Remembering my husband on his birthday | On The Creek Blog //

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