Using journaling to discover who I am.
After James died I noticed I was starting to fall back into the old habits I had before we got married...
I make them sound bad but I'm fairly wholesome so they're totally not! Here are a few examples:
- I binge watched the entire series of The Golden Girls. I used to watch the girls all the time after I got done working my first job out of high school.
- I started drinking soda again. I used to drink pop at an alarming rate but gave up on it over the past few years. Now I love to have a little can of Pepsi or Mountain Dew on my kid free nights.
- And, after watching one too many Tik Toks about the benefits of writing things down, I started journaling again.
I don't think I ever talked about this on my blog before but I used to keep some epic journals during my senior year & just out of high school. I put a ton of random things in them & also wrote what I hoped for the future. It all kind of stopped after I met James because I was actually living a good life. I didn't need to dream about anything bigger.
When the only life I knew abruptly ended on that December morning, I was completely lost (I'm still pretty lost). After making decisions with my partner for almost 16 years, I'm now going at it alone. I have to figure out what I want on my own. Some things are super clear & others are still unknown at this point. I don't want to make any major decisions for a while. I already tried that & it ended up in flames because I have no idea what I'm doing!
After flailing for a couple months, I decided to start journaling again. I feel like I really need to get clear on what I want. Journaling also allows me to wade through all the emotional damage I've been through. I also write what I'm grateful for so I'm always reminded that there is good in the world.
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