The Reality of Year Two: Navigating Widowhood with a Weary Heart

Hey, Besties. Today, I'm getting real with you about something weighing heavy on my soul. I'm nearly two years into this journey of widowhood, and friends, I'm tired. Not just the "I need a nap" kind of tired, but a deep, soul-level exhaustion that's hard to put into words.

The Adrenaline of Year One

In that first whirlwind year without James, I ran on pure adrenaline. It's like my body and mind went into survival mode, fueled by a frantic need to "fix" my life. I was getting by on maybe three hours of sleep a night, and yet, somehow, I still had the energy to face each new day. It was as if my spirit refused to slow down, afraid of what would happen if it did.

The Weight of Year Two

But here I am in year two, and the adrenaline has worn off. The reality—that this is my life now, and there's no magic wand to change it—has settled in. And it's heavy, y'all. I've had days where I could sleep for hours, and sometimes, I do just that. It's like my body is making up for all the rest it didn't get in that first frantic year.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

Don't get me wrong; I've found pockets of joy and moments of peace. I've learned to accept my life as it is, but acceptance doesn't mean I have to like it. The truth is, I hate that it had to be this way. I hate that Braxton has to grow up without his dad, and I hate that I have to navigate this world without my partner. But here's the thing: it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to be angry, sad, and tired, all while finding moments of happiness.

Final Thoughts

So, if you're going through something similar, know it's okay to feel all the feelings. It's okay to be exhausted. And most importantly, it's okay to give yourself grace. We're all just doing the best we can, and that's enough.

I am sending you all love and light during these complex times.