Valentine's Day

The first Valentine's Day without my husband.

This is my first Valentine's Day without James.

I wasn't even going to post today because there is already so much grief over here & today adds on even more grief.  I thought I would be okay but my son brought home a special Valentine's Day card for me on Friday.

On the outside it looks happy, but the message inside is a clear reminder of our loss:

You are a great mom.  I still wish James was here but we can still have a good Valentine's Day.

I wish James was here too.  As a family we pull it together on most days but the sadness is always just under the surface.  We're two months into this thing & still have a lot of healing to do.

Because my birthday & Valentine's Day are so close together, James would try to take a few vacation days off from work.  I loved our little mini staycations.  It's something I'm really going to miss.  I think it's the little things I miss the most.  The things I took for granted, like James taking a vacation day in the middle of the week.  I've been on Facebook a little today & have seen all the happy couples posting for Valentine's Day.  While I'm happy for them, there's a bit of envy there.

I'm sure I'll find happiness again somewhere but nothing will ever be the same again.