Tuesday, August 01, 2023

The One Where I Lost it All & Found Myself

My experience with grief, loss & finding myself | on the creek blog // www.onthecreekblog.com

Losing everything can be a terrifying thought.

It's even worse when it comes true.

I should know. Over the last three years, I've lost almost everything.

What began as a series of unfortunate events (my favorite dog dying, a failed foster placement) turned into a dumpster fire lit and fueled by gasoline when my husband, James, was diagnosed with cancer & passed away 5 months later.

What followed was me trying to work through my grief while facing even more challenges (some really crazy stuff went down at my expense). I was a complete mess at the time, but I have a lot of it sorted out now.

I was a completely different person before James died & the many epic disaster events that followed.

Aside from my trauma, something else completely changed me: seeing my worst-case events come to fruition.

Before these losses, I was a terrified perfectionist. I clung to minor inconveniences and made them into gigantic problems. I was always on top of bills and other household tasks.

When I went through the experience of losing everything, the small things that used to scare me were no longer significant. I've learned that there's some wiggle room in opportunities & deadlines & sometimes, I was fortunate to receive grace & a second chance. While my bills are still paid on time & documents get returned, I don't let it consume my life. I don't stress about a little (or a lot!) dust in my house.

I no longer fear the small things because what I've been through has been much more significant. I became more resilient and better equipped to handle life's challenges. I have (unwillingly!) faced my fears and came out the other side, which gives me the confidence to tackle anything that comes my way. (Confidence is also something I used to struggle with.)

While I would have never picked this life for myself, the events that transpired made me realize what really matters to me & helped me prioritize my values.

I began understanding material possessions didn't define me as a person before everything happened. Still, the experiences I went through really brought them home for me. It isn't about my status or how much money I make. It's about loving fully and kindly. There's much to be said about being kind, but I think Dr. Wayne Dyer said it best: "If you have the choice between being right and being kind, choose being kind."

While there's nothing worse than losing everything, it's also such a transformative experience to find yourself...that I wouldn't wish on anyone!

My experience with grief, loss & finding myself | on the creek blog // www.onthecreekblog.com

PS: Here are a couple books I recommend that helped me during my transformation. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

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